The Car Ride Home: Why it Matters More Than You Think

For kids ages 6 to 13, youth sports are deeply emotional. They are learning how to win and lose, how to handle pressure, and how to be a teammate and a friend, often all in the same afternoon. After a hard game, a tough practice, or a challenging situation, the moment they buckle their seatbelt can quietly shape how they feel about sports.

As parents, we want good things for our kids. We want them to succeed, to grow, to play well, and sometimes to stand out. That desire comes from a place of love. The problem is that our passion for their growth often does not translate well on the car ride home. Instead of feeling supported, our kids may feel judged, confused, or worn out.

Too many kids learn to fear the ride home because they expect criticism from the people they love most. We think we are helping when we replay mistakes, question the coach, or compare them to other players. Their young minds usually cannot receive that message the way we intend. It often lands as pressure, not support.

Research on youth sports and motivation shows that moments like the car ride home play a real role in whether kids stay in sports or slowly drift away. In my book, Level Up Your Child’s Play, I talk about building a healthy, fun environment around youth sports so that kids want to keep playing. This blog series zooms in on one small but powerful part of that environment, the conversations that happen between the field and the front door.

In this series, I will walk through how we talk with our kids on these rides, how our post-game behavior shapes their experience, and how we can make simple changes once we get home or move on to the next event in our busy lives. Along the way, I will share both real stories from the sidelines and evidence-based ideas, so what you read here is grounded in more than opinion.

My goal is not to make any of us feel guilty. I have made these mistakes too. My goal is to give you a few practical tools so the car ride home can become a place where your child feels safe, seen, and ready to play again next time.

In the next post in this series, I will share a night when my own son said he never wanted to play again and how that car ride home became a wake-up call for me.
You can read it here: “The Car Ride Home, Part 1: The Night My Son Wanted To Quit.”